DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear Betty Ann,

We are having difficulty adjusting to life in this country.  We have a vampire son and store copious amounts of blood in our cellar to appease his impossible appetite.  The neighborhood kids are frightened and refuse to play with him.  What can we do?

Yours,

Transylvanian Transplant

* * *

Dear Tranny,

Have you considered simply lying?  This is traditionally one of the easiest ways for citizens to conduct private lives of terror while remaining functional members of society.  For instance, if you’re caught bringing home bags of blood, perhaps you can tell people that you work at a hospital and you help them out sometimes by storing excess blood.  Makes sense to me!  It’s particularly easy to lie to children.  Just make sure not to break the trust of your own child—it may be difficult to win back.

Hope this helps,

Betty Ann

  • 16 October 2012