DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear Stig,

I’ve spent the past fifty years in the pool, and I still don’t have a six pack:

How can I get a body like Ryan Lochte’s?

Thanks,

Flabby and Rotting

* * *

Dear Flabby,

Contrary to popular belief, swimming is not a particularly effective way to develop a six pack.  It will, however, develop your back and shoulders, which gives a man’s body the shape that people typically refer to when they talk about a “swimmer’s build.”

In any event, it’s important to set realistic goals when it comes to body image.  Ryan Lochte is an Olympic gold medalist, and even if your workouts exceed his in length, they almost certainly cannot rival his in speed or intensity.  Your body isn’t going to look like his without taking a few “shortcuts,” and such shortcuts can have severe side effects.  Don’t forget that, in the end, this is really about your health—a healthy body is an attractive body.

On that note, make sure to get plenty of protein.  You appear to be severely malnourished, which is likely what’s causing your flesh to rot off.  I know it can be more of an effort to catch the faster kids, but those are the ones that tend to be high in protein.  A diet of fat, slow children will not give you the body you want.  The work-out is the hard part, but the results are only as good as the diet that supports them.

Yours,

Stig

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  • 15 October 2012
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