DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear Kiki,

I must be the luckiest guy in the world!  There’s the hottest girl at my new school—my family just moved—and she seems pretty interested in me.  But that’s not even the best part.  I just found out that our house is being haunted by her dead twin.  Is that serendipity or what?  Turns out the twin had been in some deep trouble with a black-coated poltergeist but nobody believed her until it was too late.  I feel certain that if I can lure her back into the land of the living, I’d have a really good thing going, if you know what I mean.  But how can I get the still-living twin back to my bedroom for the seance?  I don’t want to sound like a creep.

Yours,

Luck Would Have It

* * *

Dear Lucky,

You can almost certainly use emotional blackmail to get the still-living one back to your place.  Unfortunately, split-screen technology might not be advanced enough for the threesome you have in mind:

That being said, high school is pretty much the only time you’re going to be able to convince a girl that group sex with her dead twin is a good idea.  Consider getting her drunk and damaging her self esteem first—it might be worth a shot, even if budgetary restrictions should keep it pretty tame.  You’re new in school, and a score like this may be just what you need to establish your rep.  I know if an opportunity like that fell into my lap, I wouldn’t let the risk of seeming “creepy” get in my way.

Hope this helps,

Kiki

  • 8 October 2012