DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear David,

It looks like my lizard brethren are finally hatching!  I believe that nothing could go wrong with my scheme for world domination.  Would it be appropriate to have a celebratory martini in my office?  I am the principal of a boarding school.

Best,

Principal Lizard

* * *

Dear Principal,

It can definitely be tempting to hit the bottle when you’re feeling such euphoria.  However, given your position of respect among impressionable minors, it does seem in bad taste to indulge in alcoholic beverages on premises.  Moreover, alcohol often tempts villainous poseurs to let go of their disguises—after all, I’m sure that fake human skin of yours gets itchy.  But can you imagine how terrifying it would be if one of your students caught you with your secret lizard scales exposed?  I’d wait until your lizard friends are done consuming the children before you indulge in libations.  And please make sure to get a designated driver.

Yours,

David

  • 8 October 2012