Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear Kristen,

Help!  I’m staying at my great aunts’ house, and there are ghosts here.  My live-in babysitter’s here with me, but she won’t believe me.  She says I’m being a spoiled little baby—which makes me really sad because I look up to her a lot.  She is pretty and brave.  She has her own distinctive style:

Plus, a sharp sense of humor.  But I hate when she turns it against me.  For instance, there really is a ghost.  It stands outside my window saying, “I’m cold.”  I’m afraid to go outside because of it, but Daphne just rubs mud on me and says “a little dirt won’t kill you!”  Who wants to be dirty?  And how do I solve the mystery of the frozen ghost?  How can I solicit her help without seeming like I’m being a wuss?


Charles Pemberton-Shilling III

* * *
Dear Charles,

Your life is one of unchecked excess, and whining will win you no friends.  How well do you know the house?  Perhaps you should have a drink.  Hell, have two.  Have the whole bottle—whose counting?  Girls will be girls, and you can’t make her like you.  You’ll always have one thing over her, and that’s money.  She may resent you now, but once she gets a taste of how the real world works, she’ll come running back.  In the meantime, did you know that whiskey is the functional equivalent of a warm blanket?  Consider giving that frozen ghost a taste.  It might just settle him down.

Hope this helps,


  • 8 October 2012