DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear Betty Ann,

There’s this big school dance coming up, and I’ve found the perfect dress.  Trouble is: my mom won’t let me wear it.  I feel like my parents can’t accept that I’m not their little girl anymore.  My body’s changing!  Specifically, I’m turning into a chameleon.  I’ve already been bitten twice, and you know the rhyme.  How can I show my parents that I’m mature enough to dress sexy before it’s too late?

Yours,

Bloomingscales

* * *

Dear Bloomingscales,

I love that rhyme!  Bite you once, bite you twice, a little water, pay the price…

Unfortunately, given that you’re already so far into the process of transformation, a sexy dress will likely not be flattering on your body.  If you’re anything like me, you’ve probably broken out in large, scaly rashes by now, particularly around the bite areas.  I’d recommend wearing something large and concealing—something that makes you feel comfortable about the terrifying changes your body is undergoing.  After all, half of being sexy is simply feeling comfortable.  Ironically, backing down from your pleas to wear the sexy dress may demonstrate precisely the maturity that you’re parents are claiming you currently lack, setting a solid precedent for the future.

Hope this helps,

Betty Ann

  • 7 October 2012