DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear David,

My friend wears glasses but is obviously pretty.  How can I make her feel bad about herself?  I would like to date her.

Thanks,

DarkDragon214

* * *

Dear DarkDragon214,

One great way to make her feel bad about herself is to flirt with other girls in front of her—particularly girls who do not wear glasses.  Similarly, consider purchasing a magic potion that will cure you of your mild physical disabilities and transform you into a debonair jock.  This will work, as girls are easily tricked by magic.  For instance, did you know that Fiona Apple once dated David Blaine?  It’s true!  Also, sorry, I’m just assuming you’re disabled.

Hope this helps,

David

  • 5 October 2012