DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear David,

I’ve fallen in with a bad crowd, and I recently joined a gang.  Or, rather, it’s this bizarre Canadian misunderstanding of what constitutes a gang.  We dress up in menacing face shields and bully children out of their Halloween candy with digitally distorted admonitions about dental health:

With each act of mayhem, I can feel my future slipping away.  I recently took the SAT, and I did well, but not well enough to get into Yale—not that my family could afford it anyway.  Will I ever amount to anything?

Yours,

Terror Queen

* * *

Dear Terror Queen,

It’s never too late to turn your life around.  Yale may be out of the question, but have you considered community college?  I know you’re feeling “out of control” and “self-destructive,” but that’s no reason to be reckless about what program you pick.  Did you know that the average two-year degree at some community colleges takes four to six years to complete, if the student completes it at all?  Furthermore, you have to be careful about the amount of debt you accrue.  Have you spoken to your school guidance counselor?  Whatever you do, don’t give up on your smile—or yourself.

With love,

David

  • 4 October 2012
  • 1