DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear Betty Ann,

I’m expecting company for dinner, but everything’s going wrong!  First, I was trying to make spaghetti, but I somehow ended up with a pile of burnt-out cigars:

And then I spilled the entire bowl of pudding I’d prepared right smack on the floor:

But that’s not even the worst part!  I’m starting to think a stranger has broken into my home and is trying to murder me.  For instance, I locked my bedroom door just a second ago, and someone immediately began pounding on the door trying to get in.  And whoever it is apparently has a helium tank with him, as he just slid a balloon under my door and blew it up!

Is there any way I can make this dinner party a success?  The call is coming from inside the house.

Thanks,

The Harried Hostess

* * *

Dear Harried Hostess,

Uh oh!  It sounds like you have a bitter old clown-ghost dead-set on stealing your soul.  Did you by any chance happen to vandalize any haunted funhouses recently?  I’ve heard that if you steal nose of Zeebo the clown, you’ll never hear the end of it!  Perhaps you should consider giving it back.  For instance, did you know that 2/3 of what is commonly attributed to the sense of taste is actually an extension of the sense of smell?  Your little prank may well be ruining Zeebo’s dinner parties, too—how’s he supposed to make a good meal without a nose!  Maybe it’s time to learn to treat others the way you’d like to be treated, even ghastly old clowns.

Courtesy is contagious,

Betty Ann

  • 3 October 2012