My voice keeps cracking, and I’m worried I’m hitting puberty. I make my living as a child actor in local productions, and this would spell the end of my career. Are there any drugs I could take to delay the onset of puberty? I asked my local dwarf botanist, but he got mad at me and ran off. Also, my ears have grown pointy.
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Don’t worry! It sounds to me like you’re not hitting puberty at all but are, rather, being slowly poisoned by a leprechaun preparing to eat your soul. I know Old Man Erin may seem like a harmless pedophile, but that tea he’s been feeding you has more than just GHB in it. I learned all about this from my recently deceased grandfather. Answering questions like this helps me preserve his memory.