DEAR MIDNIGHT SOCIETY,

Life advice, via Are You Afraid of the Dark (index) (random)

Dear Betty Ann,

My wife and I love taking care of our adorable little niece every now and then, but last night I caught her breaking into the house next door and trying to leap from the attic window.  Should I be concerned?

Help please,

Overprotective Uncle

* * *

Dear Overprotective Uncle,

Are you referring to the abandoned mansion where that poor little Henderson girl went missing last summer?  Perhaps you should consider boarding up that old window!  It sounds like a nuisance.

Hope this helps,

Betty Ann

* * *

Dear Betty Ann,

I boarded up the window, but now my niece has gone missing—just like Susan Henderson!  She’d spent the whole afternoon playing on that old tire swing, with the most forlorn look on her face.  I should have known something was wrong.  It’s been hours, but I just can’t get her memory out of my head.  Do I blame myself?

Help please,

Overprotective Uncle

* * *

Dear Overprotective Uncle,

She’ll turn up!  In the meantime, I’d burn that tire swing.  Have you considering having children of your own?

Hope this helps,

Betty Ann

* * *

Dear Betty Ann,

Thanks!  You were right—she showed up in no time, and with the Henderson girl in tow.  Apparently Susan had just been living in that old dollhouse in the Henderson’s attic.  This pretty much explains why she came back looking like Brooke Shields in Pretty Baby, I guess!  Anyway, I’m sure glad that’s resolved.  I went ahead and destroyed the dollhouse, and—guess what—my wife’s going to have a baby.

Thanks for everything,

Overprotective Future Dad (!)

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  • 3 October 2012